My initial thought processes when Emily Ratajkoswki announced she was married on Instagram went like this: How long has she even been with this guy? He looks like Spencer Pratt. Is her mustard yellow suit actually from Zara?

Now, as the dust has settled, and the newlyweds settle in to a life of bliss – to the disapproval of many men the world over – the I Feel Pretty actress has opened up to Vanity Fair about how the whole secret City Hall wedding thing went down.  “We decided we were going to get married in January and then were kind of waiting for the right moment,” Ratajkowski explained. “It’s one of those things [where] you have to choose one witness and we couldn’t just choose one of our friends, so then we were like, which friends can be there? I can’t even imagine what having a 300-person wedding is like, because it still felt kind of hectic to plan ours.”

“It felt very ‘heist movie,’ because all of my girlfriends were in suits, too, and I wasn’t wearing white, so I kept passing the bouquet of flowers to them, like, ‘Decoy, decoy!’”

Minutes after marrying filmmaker Sebastian Bear-McClard – and convinced that despite being one of the most coveted women in the world, she had pulled off getting married without so much as a paparazzi lens – Ratajkowski’s publicist called. The news of the nuptials was about to break. Both the actress and her publicist agreed it would be better to tell the world herself via Instagram. “I had to FaceTime to my parents [and by then] I had several glasses of champagne,” says Ratajkowski. “I was like, ‘Here we go!’”

As for that mustard Zara suit? “I never loved the idea of white for a wedding because I’m not a pure woman. I’m a woman with a lot of character and experience and life,” she says. “I also just love the idea of a suit, especially at City Hall, because it’s like you’re taking care of business. I really wanted to wear red actually, initially . . . and then I just love mustard yellow and I found that suit and just knew that it was the one.”

It was earlier reported Bear-McClard proposed with a paperclip.

thoughts?