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The Tristan Thompson and Draymond Green memes are coming in thick and fast. The NBA player’s reputation has been tarnished massively since footage emerged of him cheating – with several women – on his girlfriend Khloe Kardashian just one week prior to her giving birth to their baby daughter.
Since, U.S. publications have been in overdrive sifting through any related source to get an insight into how Kardashian is dealing. Perhaps Georgina Chapman hit the nail on the head the best when she described a woman’s heartbreak after being cheated on: “I was so humiliated and so broken…I have moments of rage, I have moments of confusion, I have moments of disbelief,” Harvey Weinstein’s ex-wife told Vogue recently. Thirty-three-year-old Kardashian, however, has been spotted out with Thompson igniting rumours the pair are attempting to work things out. (Sister Kim Kardashian has however alluded to the idea she’d like Thompson to take a hike). Many women have opinions on this; Could you take back a partner who has cheated on you? Is it possible to ever move forward and build that trust again? Or is the pain too much?
“The person who has been cheated on will feel betrayed,” says GRAZIA’s resident psychologist Gemille Cribb. “They will experience grief, anxiety and obsessive thinking about the affair. They will want to ask a lot of questions and will become ‘paranoid’ about where their partner is and what he or she is up to. Often they can blame themselves and experience a period of low self-worth.” (It has been reported Kim is very worried about Khloe’s mental state and self-esteem.)
While this editor claims there is no turning back from someone who has done that, Cribb empathises with Kardashian and says it is entirely possible to mend a relationship. “Sometimes couples that survive an affair are stronger for it (though I’m certainly not condoning affairs!),” she explains. “The key point is that both partners have to be willing to do what it takes to prioritize the relationship and rebuild trust.”
“For the partner that is cheated on this means refraining from criticising your partner and peppering them with questions and accusations at all times of the day (picking a time every evening to talk about what has come up for you regarding the affair that day is a better approach). For the partner that has had the affair that means stopping contact with that other person, letting your partner check your phone, email and socials whenever he or she wants and check up on you if and when they need to. It means listening to what they are going through without defensiveness or blaming.”
Read: It’s an uphill battle. Here Cribb advises of three questions to ask yourself if you find yourself in Kardashian’s position:
1) Is he or she willing to cut contact with the affair partner and relinquish his or her privacy? (e.g. Be willing to hand over his or her phone and email passwords) to enable you to build trust.)
2) Is he or she willing to listen to your feelings and answer your questions without defensiveness or trying to turn the blame on you? Has their story got sufficient detail and remain consistent enough to feel like it’s the truth?
3) Is he or she willing to go to couple’s therapy with you so you can work on communication in the relationship so if there was ever a time in the future when he or she did something he or she wasn’t proud of, you’d be able to deal with it early and honestly?
A final thought: In Vogue‘s Georgina Chapman interview – her first since the Weinstein scandal broke – her dear friend offers a little gem of hope and enlightenment to any women thinking over those above questions; a gentle reminder that there is a better life outside of somebody who chooses to be unfaithful. “What I want for Georgina,” he says, “and it’s going to take time, and it’s impossible to come out unscathed, but let this be a moment in her life where she realises that this is what made her. This is what made her a woman.”
